Josh Worthington

Motivation is a powerful force, but it's also something that can be frustratingly elusive. I often struggle with this, especially when it comes to starting new projects. I have ideas—lots of them—and when I think about bringing them to life, they seem exciting. But when I sit down to actually begin, something stops me. I feel like I'm staring at a wall, unable to move forward.

It's a cycle I know all too well. I'll spend hours imagining every detail, crafting complex worlds and unique mechanics in my mind, only to watch that enthusiasm drain away the moment I open an editor. Take, for instance, my project Barking Up the Wrong Tree. It was supposed to be a clever twist on the old saying, where players would chase a squirrel up different trees, always trying to catch it. The concept was fun in my head, and I even had gameplay mechanics sketched out. But somehow, as soon as I tried to actually build it, the motivation just vanished. It was like the spark that made the project feel alive simply died out. That game, along with so many others, now just sits on my computer—another unfinished idea collecting dust.

This isn't just a one-off problem, either. The lack of motivation seems to haunt everything I try to create on my own. I'll jump from tool to tool—Unity, Godot, Twine—hoping that maybe a new editor or engine will reignite the passion. Yet, every time, I hit the same wall. I'll stare at the screen, feeling overwhelmed by the blank canvas in front of me. It's like the energy to actually start building, to take that first step, just disappears. And this isn't limited to games either; it seeps into other interests. Whether it's trying to create art, learn music, or explore other hobbies, I find myself getting stuck, feeling like I'm endlessly searching for motivation that never seems to stick.

What's most frustrating is that I know I love creating. Coding is something I've been passionate about for years. I've run a coding club at school, where I can work on projects just fine when they're for the club or assigned by a teacher. But when it's something personal, something I genuinely want to build, it feels like there's an invisible barrier. Sometimes I wonder if it's fear of failing, or maybe I'm overwhelmed by ambition and expectations I set too high. Other times, it feels like I'm just going through the motions, hoping that eventually, the drive will return on its own.

And so I sit here, with all these ideas and half-finished projects scattered across my desktop, wondering what's holding me back. It's like a paradox—wanting to create yet feeling completely unmotivated to begin.

Motivation

Sum 41

Music is my life. It's the one thing that never fails to keep me going, even when motivation in other areas is lacking. My vinyl collection, for one, is a constant reminder of how much I love diving deep into every album, every track. There's something about putting on a record and letting the music fill the room that just can't be replicated. And then there's Spotify, where my playlists are an evolving journal of my tastes, shifting and growing but always grounded in my love for heavy music.

Music isn't just something I enjoy—it's a constant companion. Ever since I got my first pair of Bluetooth headphones, music has been my backdrop, playing day in and day out. I wore those headphones everywhere, practically glued to my ears. Music became my way to tune out the world, to find focus, and to connect with something that felt real. Over time, it's only grown from there. On an average week, I clock in about 5,000 minutes of listening. My playlists are massive, holding thousands of songs, but that's only part of it; I've always loved listening to full albums, immersing myself in the stories and emotions crafted by the artists from start to finish.

My top albums are a mix of sounds and styles that feel like they define different parts of me. American Idiot by Green Day was the first album I truly connected with, and it's stayed with me through everything. POST HUMAN: NeX GEn by Bring Me The Horizon brings that same energy, fusing heavy sounds with forward-thinking themes that resonate. Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge by My Chemical Romance and The Black Parade have both been essential, carrying raw emotion and themes that hit close to home. O.A.R.'s All Sides gives me a different vibe altogether, more laid-back but no less meaningful. Then there's The Sufferer and The Witness by Rise Against, Meteora by Linkin Park, Insomniac by Green Day, Kid A by Radiohead, and Nightmare by Avenged Sevenfold—albums that have all shaped me in their own way, balancing intensity with introspection.

Each of these albums isn't just a collection of songs; they're pieces of my own story. Through the highs and lows, the boredom and the motivation, music has been there to make everything feel a little more intense, a little more real.

Our Lady if Sorrows

My Chemical Romance

Leadership has been a huge part of my life. I've stepped into it in so many ways, from leading my scout troop to helping kids in Taekwondo to running the Hack Club at my school, the Beachside Barracoders. Each role has pushed me to grow, to figure out how to inspire and guide others, and to be someone others can depend on. It's a challenge I've taken on time and time again, but it's definitely not without its stresses.

In Scouts, I started as a patrol leader, guiding a small group, and eventually became the Senior Patrol Leader, responsible for the entire troop. Leading Scouts meant teaching practical skills, organizing meetings, planning trips, and making sure everyone felt involved and motivated. It's a lot to handle—especially when things go wrong, which they often do. But somehow, through the chaos of planning and managing, I found ways to make it work, even if it meant staying up late after meetings to make sure everything was set for the next week.

Teaching Taekwondo has its own challenges. Working with younger kids, teaching them discipline, techniques, and confidence, is no easy task. It takes patience and understanding, and there's always the pressure to make sure they're learning while also having a positive experience. Balancing both is tough, especially when they don't always listen or when I'm trying to keep them focused.

Then there's Hack Club—an entire world of its own. Running Beachside Barracoders means organizing events, creating project ideas, finding ways to keep everyone engaged, and encouraging creativity within the club. It's exciting to share my love for coding with others, but it's also a huge responsibility. Often, I'm up late working on plans for the club, coding tutorials, or prepping materials for our meetings. Leading so many different groups isn't easy, and there are days when the stress of it all feels overwhelming. But it's worth it every time I see the progress my team makes or the excitement in the kids I'm teaching.

Each of these experiences, in their own ways, has taught me what leadership is really about—balancing responsibility, facing challenges head-on, and working hard even when things get difficult. And while it's exhausting, there's a sense of fulfillment that makes it all worthwhile, at least that's what I think I feel.

Follow Me, Follow You

O.A.R.

I'm up all night, sometimes until 3 a.m., unable to sleep. It's not because I'm on my phone or distracted by anything external. It's my mind that keeps me awake, running in endless circles. I lie there, thinking—about everything and nothing all at once. It's this strange feeling of my thoughts drifting, tangled up in questions I can't quite answer, or maybe even understand. The future, the past, the things I'm doing, the things I haven't done—they all seem to press down on me in those quiet hours, and I don't know why.

I want to sleep, to just shut it off for a while, but the thoughts keep pushing their way back in. Sometimes it feels like I'm reaching for something just out of sight, a solution to a question I haven't even asked. And in those moments, I'm left feeling like I'm caught between worlds—half in the present, half somewhere else, trying to make sense of something I can't name. It's exhausting, but somehow, even when I know I need the rest, my mind just won't let go.

Sleep

My Chemical Romance

As I look ahead, I am filled with a mix of excitement and anxiety. I dream of attending college, where I can immerse myself in technology and innovation. I aspire to harness the knowledge I gain to create solutions that make a difference in the world. This journey will not only enhance my technical skills but also open doors to new opportunities and experiences.

I am on the brink of achieving a milestone: earning the rank of Eagle Scout. This journey has taught me valuable lessons about leadership, perseverance, and service to others. Completing this goal will symbolize my commitment to scouting values and my ability to finally follow through on a long-term commitment.

Strengthening my bonds with Hack Club is also important to me. I want to continue collaborating with my peers on projects that inspire creativity and innovation, pushing each other to explore new ideas while learning together.

I have a strong desire to further develop my programming skills, diving deeper into various languages and game development. My goal is to create immersive experiences that resonate with players, blending my love for coding with storytelling.

However, beneath these aspirations lies a growing fear of the uncertainties that life presents. As I stand at the threshold of adulthood, I often find myself grappling with profound questions about the future. What will happen after I graduate? Will I be able to find a career that I am passionate about, or will I end up in a job that feels unfulfilling? The pressure to succeed and to make the right choices weighs heavily on my shoulders.

I worry about the state of the world we live in today—political strife, environmental challenges, and social injustices seem to permeate every aspect of our lives. I fear that the rapid pace of technological change might leave me behind, making me feel obsolete or irrelevant. The thought of not being able to keep up or contribute meaningfully to society fills me with anxiety.

There's also the fear of personal failure—of not reaching my goals or, worse, realizing too late that I have wasted my potential. I often question whether I have what it takes to overcome obstacles and achieve the things I dream of. What if I take risks and fail? What if I don't have the motivation to pursue my passions?

This uncertainty creates a paralyzing sense of dread. I find myself contemplating the paths not taken, worrying about missed opportunities, and feeling a sense of urgency to make every moment count. I fear becoming stagnant, trapped in a routine that feels unchanging and uninspired. The weight of these thoughts sometimes makes it difficult to see the bright future I hope for.

Optimistic

Radiohead

In writing this manifesto, I've opened up about my motivations, passions, and the challenges I face. It's a personal exploration of my journey as a creator, a leader, and a music enthusiast, all intertwined with my experiences of motivation, insomnia, and the weight of expectations. Each section reflects my struggle to harness the energy I feel inside and channel it into meaningful work, whether that's through coding, creating music, or leading others.

But more than just a list of thoughts and feelings, this manifesto represents a commitment to myself. It's a declaration that despite the hurdles—whether they be fear, lack of motivation, or sleepless nights—I am dedicated to pushing forward. I recognize that the creative process is rarely a straight path; it's a winding road filled with both triumphs and setbacks. Through this document, I affirm my intention to embrace the messy parts of creativity, to seek joy in the journey itself, and to learn from the moments of doubt.

As I move forward, I aim to break down the walls of procrastination and self-doubt that sometimes hold me back. I will strive to cultivate my passion for music and technology, to find new ways to inspire those around me, and to continue sharing my voice—whether through the projects I create, the songs I love, or the lessons I learn along the way.

This manifesto is not just a conclusion; it's a beginning. It's a step toward greater self-awareness and an invitation for others to join me on this journey. Together, we can create a space that celebrates our passions, acknowledges our fears, and inspires action. Thank you for taking the time to explore these thoughts with me. Let's continue to dream, create, and make a positive impact in our lives and the lives of others.

In The End

Linkin Park